Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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