Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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