Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
