Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
