Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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