There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
