It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
