Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
