I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
