Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
