I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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