He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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