Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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