After last night, I could never be a politician.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i love accidental penises.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
