Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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