Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
