Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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