Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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