he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
