Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
