how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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