he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
