Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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