apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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