Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
