Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
