I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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