i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
