I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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