4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
