is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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