Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
