I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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