I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
