i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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