you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
