It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
