Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
vagina is talking i cant
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
