Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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