thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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