I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
