your room smells of hookers.
And success
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize
