im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
