hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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