a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize