Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
MIDGETS
????
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
