Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
