my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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