C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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