I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
