JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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