i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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