90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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