Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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