Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And then my night got REAL pukey
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
