i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
