Im at strip club and am horny
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Blood and glitter go together right?
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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