last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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