why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
