if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
