I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
