So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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