I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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