Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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