You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
