haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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