Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
